The turkey is down to leftovers, I've avoided all early Christmas aisles at every store, and I've had the radio on PBS news for months now, so when I heard "Feliz Navidad" at Subway while waiting for my turkey on white, I realized that I'm ready. In fact, with temperatures in the 70's and so much sun, I need some infusions of seasonal tunes. I mean, I hung the holiday wreath two days before I planted some tropical plants out front (Bird of Paradise). My seasonal clock is broken.

It's been an interesting few days. Lots of excitement and too much exhaustion, as usual. Skipped Midnight Mass in favor of family sanity, but did a few things on our own.

Sometime in the night a hellacious windstorm rolled into town. I know it's really windy around here when all the wind chimes in all the yards are ringing at once. Up in the night with Bosco, I heard the big wreath banging against the front window, checked to see if my hanging planters were in danger, eyed the huge pines behind our back fence swaying in the wind, and resigned myself to the amount of camphor tree leaves and branches I'd be cleaning out of the pond. Between that and the full moon, I didn't sleep well.

We got our Christmas morning wake up call, not in the nice old way of two little boys in footie sleepers rushing into our room before dawn to announce what Santa had brought--those days are long gone. No, around 6 am Doug and I were literally jolted awake by a tremendous crash outside our bedroom window. And what to our wondering eyes should appear, but a tree-sized branch from one of the giant pine trees, now laying across the back corner of the back yard. It was over a foot thick and at least thirty feet long. It crushed a section of fence, shattered the side gate (I found one of the decorative wooden finials halfway across the back lawn), and missed the roof of the bedroom by about a yard and a half. No one was hurt, except perhaps any of the Walters still nesting up there, and the house was in one piece, so we went on with our morning. As we were opening presents, the neighbor whose tree had awakened us called to us over the back fence and was very nice and apologetic about the whole thing, and promises to cover all damages. We'd been wanting to meet our back neighbors anyway, and it will make for an interesting story.

Otherwise it was a pleasant and uneventful day.

I'm sure it's only coincidence that today I just received an e-mail from Jesus, of all people. Oh, me of little faith, but I never imagined that Jesus would have email, much less the address: xdockett@markharmon.com, but here it is, in black and white. He sent the following cryptic message, which is either a prophecy of some sort, or the Son of Man is a better savior than he is a poet:

make cloudless
You ca6n forget a2bout losing your erection in the middle of se -xua1l intercourse*****.com
He on potbound pulmonary

I really like the first and third lines, but the middle needs work. And if he's aiming for a haiku, then he really missed. But I'm poetry impaired and probably shouldn't judge, lest I also be judged.

I leave you with that thought, and go back to my uncrushed editing now.

Even if you hate Christmas music, this is very funny.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Fe11OlMiz8

It's funny, but having embraced Buddhism as a philosophy, I'm enjoying Christmas more this year than I have for a long time. It's a very personal thing, and I can't really put it into words yet, except that I feel like I let go of a lot of useless ideas, feelings, expectations, and "shoulds", and can more clearly see the spirit of the season, and its beauty. Not the Black Friday shopping orgies, the ads for gift wrapped Lexuseseses (Lexi?), and the rest of the rampant, "got to keep everything balanced" consumerism, and the political battles, too: I never liked that. That all still exists, but I'm just enjoying my own preparations. Charities have been gifted, parties planned, gifts mostly taken care of, including some pretty nice knitted things, a real balsam wreath on its way from LL Bean. I've got a house to decorate, and clothes to buy, work to do, but somehow it's all just coming together this time.

My sons are coming home on the 21st, and we're probably going to take another post-holiday trip this year, this time up the coast to Monterey and San Francisco. Last New Year's eve we stood together with our feet in the Pacific, looking up at a Tahitian moon. Can't wait to see where we end up this year. Probably at a Motel 6, but that's ok. ;-) There's nothing I particularly want for Christmas, beyond sitting around playing games and going to the weirdest holiday movie we can find. "Bad Santa" is the all time best so far, and LOTR kept us going for a while, but I think "Sweeny Todd" is going to give them both some competition.

In addition to all this good stuff, by working at home and being too busy to get out shopping much, I've heard almost no Christmas music this year. I realized yesterday that I was actually craving it. I spent some time at iTunes (queen of instant gratification that I am) trying to find something that felt right. Found some nice albums of familiar carols, and lots of new stuff sung by people I've never heard of. Then I happened across one called "Now That's What I Call Christmas!" It has so many of the old favorites from my childhood, others from my college days, and some new songs or versions that I haven't heard before. I don't think the "wailing divas" (a category in which I include Michael Bolton) are going to get much play, or Ms. Spears, and not even David Bowie can make me listen to "The Little Drummer Boy"— one of the few songs that makes me want to drive an ice pick into both ears. (Perhaps I've mentioned that before?) But some of the others are really good.

(Side note to Mouseclick Chick: When I hear any version of "Rudolf", when they get to the line "They wouldn't let poor Rudolf play in any reindeer games!" I always hear you adding: "Like Monopoly!" ;-))

Special favorites marked with **

**The Christmas Song (Merry Christmas to You) Nat "King" Cole
**White Christmas (1947 Single Version) Bing Crosby
**Blue Christmas Elvis Presley
Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas Frank Sinatra
**Winter Wonderland Tony Bennett
**Sleigh Ride Ella Fitzgerald
***Let It Snow, Let It Snow, Let It Snow Dean Martin
**(There's No Place Like) Home for the Holidays Perry Como
The Most Wonderful Time of the Year Johnny Mathis
***A Holly Jolly Christmas Burl Ives
Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer Gene Autry
Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer Elmo & Patsy
**Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree Brenda Lee
***Jingle Bell Rock Bobby Helms
Little Saint Nick The Beach Boys
Merry Christmas Darling Carpenters
**Christmas Collage Kathy Mattea
Little Drummer Boy / Peace On Earth Bing Crosby & David Bowie
******Happy Xmas (War Is Over) The Harlem Community Choir (with John Lennon, I think)
***Santa Claus Is Comin' to Town Bruce Springsteen
**Do They Know It's Christmas? Band Aid Now
*Wonderful Christmastime Paul McCartney
Our Love Is Like a Holiday Michael Bolton
(It Must Have Been Ol') Santa Claus Harry Connick Jr.
**Jingle Bells Diana Krall
Away In a Manger Mannheim Steamroller
**Deck the Halls Ottmar Liebert
Love On Layaway Gloria Estefan
Don't Save It All for Christmas Day Céline Dion
This Christmas Joe
Special Gift The Isley Brothers
**All We Need Is Love (Christmas In the Yard) The Big Yard Family
My Only Wish (This Year) Britney Spears
You Don't Have to Be Alone (On Christmas) 'N Sync
**O Come All Ye Faithful Luther Vandross
**Silent Night Boyz II Men (really, it's good! Who knew?)

During an interesting conversation in another newsgroup about Christmas traditions, one of the participants shared this scientific debate on whether or not the physics of Santa work. It seems the physics of Santa moving fast enough to get to all the households of good children would result in disintegration.
http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Zone/7474/ohsanta.html

Which all inspired me to write a Christmas Play.



Otterdance Theater Presents: Christmas, the Final Frontier: The MOVIE! (3rd draft)

Scene 1: North Pole Sleigh Base. Santa boards NPSS SnowBall. Crew checks systems.

Chief Engineer Rudolf: All systems go, Captain!

Santa: Thank you, Mr. Rudolf. Mr. Donner, take her out.

Chief Navigator Donner: Aye aye, Captain!


Scene 1a: SFX- sleigh lift off against Arctic sunset

Scene 2: SFX-NPSS SnowBall against starry sky, lights of Earth households visible below


Scene 3: Helm of NPSS SnowBall

Santa: Warp speed, Mr. Blitzen!

Chief Engineer Rudolf: Captain, we have a problem. The sleigh shields are operating at less than 75%. She won't take the strain!

Santa: Damn it, Mr. Rudolf, I know this sleigh. She can take it. Warp speed. That's an order!

Communications Officer in a Short Skirt Cupid: Captain, I'm scared!

Science Officer Dasher: Captain, if I may, the structural integrity of the sleigh is not designed . . .

Santa: Stand down, Mr. Dasher, or I'll have you up on mutiny charges.

Communications Officer in a Short Skirt Cupid: Captain, I'm really scared. Maybe you should listen . . .

Santa: Et tu, Cupid? Et tu? Warp speed, Mr. Rudolf. We have presents to deliver, cookies to bite, carrots to nibble!

Chief Engineer Rudolf (resigned): Aye aye. Warp speed in ten seconds, Captain.

Scene 3a: Close up of tense, sweating reindeer faces for nine seconds

Scene 4: SFX-Sleigh, as it disintegrates: Pfffffffffft!!!

Scene 5: Epilogue:

Young romantic girl out on a Christmas eve walk with her boyfriend. "Look, darling. A shooting star. Make a Christmas wish!"

Fade to Black

The end.

Roll credits