Next weekend the University of Redlands is having it's 100th Year Gala Event, a very ritzy black tie affair, which we will be attending. I have never, in my whole life, been to a black tie affair, unless you count my high school prom and my wedding. But those were easy.

This, on the other hand, is a bit daunting. All a man has to do is get a tux that fits and not wear a ruffled shirt or sneakers. But what does black tie mean for a woman? I can tell you, the sales clerks around here weren't much help.

I finally ended up at Macy's, trying on what I would call evening gowns. I felt like a little girl again, trying on my mom's old dresses. It was fun, but all my inner yokelness came to the fore, screaming "Too much! Over the top! Over dressed!" "Nobody else will be wearing beads and sequins!" I do, after all, find ways to wear jeans for almost every occassion.

After much oning and offing of outfits, I came away with a floor length black number with a somewhat plunging neckline, but not Anna Nicole/Pam Anderson plunging. It's black, sleevless, and has tiers of sheer black lace with lots of glittery black beading and sequins. I added a little beaded black shawl and Doug pronounced me "elegant", even in bare feet and mussed hair. Hey, at least it's sparkly! Sparkly I can get into. It's hard to describe, but reminds me a bit of the dresses in the Gorey animation at the beginning of "Mystery".

According to my web research this morning, I probably nailed it.

"Black Tie means formal. Men wear tuxedos, women wear cocktail, long dresses or dressy evening separates."
OK. Check

"Consider the material and texture. Silk, satin, embroidery, beads, rhinestones, velvet and metallics are all well-suited for formal attire."
Check--Wait--rhinestones?? I coulda had rhinestones??? OK, probably a bit much.

"Invite a trusted companion to see you in the outfit you're considering before you make the purchase.
Doug is always brutally honest. Big check there.

"Consult with your date to ensure that his tie and cummerbund match the color of your ensemble. Black complements everything."

Doug took black tie very literally, so check. Black and black. Just call us Gomez and Morticia.

Now there's just the manicure, shoes, handbag, hair (my hair just doesn't do tricks), makeup, jewelry . . .

Did I mention I spend most of my life in jeans? There's a good reason for that. It's EASY! And cheap. And easy. And CHEAP!

However, aside from a new experience and the chance to participate in a Big Deal in our new home town, there will also be champagne and fine food, dancing, music from every period since 1906 in varous venues around campus, and fireworks at midnight. Sounds like a Mechant Ivory movie, doesn't it? Should be fun.

It's a different world around here than we've been in before, at least at times.