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Writing Assignment

  • Jun. 5th, 2008 at 10:55 AM
penguin
This is supposedly true. Doesn't matter, really.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


The professor told his class: "Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person
will pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right. As homework tonight, one of you will write the first paragraph of a short story. You will e-mail your partner that paragraph and send another copy to me. The partner will read the first paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story and send it back, also sending another copy to me. The first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back-and-forth.

Remember to re-read what has been written each time in order to keep the story coherent. There is to be absolutely NO talking outside of the e-mails and anything you wish to say must be written in the e-mail. The story is over when both agree a conclusion has been reached."



The following was actually turned in by two of his English students: Rebecca and Gary.
THE STORY: (first paragraph by Rebecca)

At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him too much her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was out of the question.

(second paragraph! by Gary)

Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago.

"A.S. Harris to Geostation 17," he said into his Trans galactic communicator. " Polar orbit established. No sign of resistance so far..." But before he could sign off a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the cockpit.

(Rebecca)
He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he felt one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4.

"Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel", Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously excited her and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her youth, when the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no newspaper to read, no television to distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her.

"Why must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered wistfully.

(Gary)
Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live. Thousands of miles above the city, the Anudrian mother ship launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dimwitted wimpy peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty through the congress had left Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage of the treaty the Anudrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized poor, stupid Laurie.

(Rebecca)
This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic semi-literate adolescent.

(Gary)
Yeah? Well, my writing partner is a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. " Oh, shall I have chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of F--KING TEA??? Oh no, what am I to do? I'm such an air headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle Steele novels!"

(Rebecca)
A^$h#le

(Gary)
B*t%h!

(Rebecca)
F**K YOU - YOU NEANDERTHAL!
(Gary)
In your dreams, Ho. Go drink some tea.

(TEACHER)
A+ -- I really liked this one.

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Comments

( 20 comments — Leave a comment )
[info]eilonnwy wrote:
Jun. 5th, 2008 06:04 pm (UTC)
That was entertaining. Thanks for making my day at work a little less tedious. XD
[info]zinnydark wrote:
Jun. 5th, 2008 06:30 pm (UTC)
Heee, icon!

That's really all I have to add...
[info]tigerlofu wrote:
Jun. 5th, 2008 06:12 pm (UTC)
The sad thing is: I agree with the teacher. The first few pharagraohs had me really interested in where this was going.
[info]slate_canada wrote:
Jun. 5th, 2008 06:15 pm (UTC)
I read that years and years ago, I'm glad you found it.
[info]sboydtaylor wrote:
Jun. 5th, 2008 06:26 pm (UTC)
That was pretty fun. :) I like that they both died. It was almost like Romeo and Juliet. Except, you know, NOT! :)
[info]falcongirl wrote:
Jun. 5th, 2008 06:34 pm (UTC)
It's sad that I'm trying to read the heraldry on the particoloured tabard in your picture to figure out if I know that person. My geekery knows no bounds.
[info]sboydtaylor wrote:
Jun. 5th, 2008 08:06 pm (UTC)
Whoever he is, he's from up North, Kingdom of the Rising Winds. As I remember, he had some Skinny-White-Boy-Fu going on, but he leaves his sword shoulder too open and doesn't block his groin well. I don't know if that helps identify him, sorry -- it's how I tend to remember people, not by name but how to defeat them with a certain weapon combination.

Edited at 2008-06-05 08:06 pm (UTC)
[info]_profiterole_ wrote:
Jun. 5th, 2008 06:29 pm (UTC)
Brilliant in its own way! ^_^
[info]akuni wrote:
Jun. 5th, 2008 06:45 pm (UTC)
Oh this is an oldie but such a goodie! I quite enjoyed the story just for sheer wackiness. :)

It's here on Snopes, and someone has claimed to be the teacher who assigned the work. Who knows, but either way it's great for a giggle. :)
[info]sksperry wrote:
Jun. 5th, 2008 07:02 pm (UTC)
That was priceless. I loved the teacher's comment (and grade). :)
[info]otterdance wrote:
Jun. 5th, 2008 07:30 pm (UTC)
Hi stranger!
[info]sksperry wrote:
Jun. 5th, 2008 07:36 pm (UTC)
Howdy! (Dopey me forgot you were on LJ)
[info]sozuki17 wrote:
Jun. 5th, 2008 07:41 pm (UTC)
I like how the teacher waited until the end to add his comments. A+! XD
[info]nymeria87 wrote:
Jun. 5th, 2008 07:59 pm (UTC)
That was awesome. Maybe I should consider that method as an English/German teacher to be, if for nothing but my own entertainment ;)
[info]tierfal wrote:
Jun. 5th, 2008 10:01 pm (UTC)
This is horrible and amazing at the same time. I love it. XD

...I've had one of those "I'll kill your character if you give me half a chance" days before...
[info]miya_tenaka wrote:
Jun. 5th, 2008 10:24 pm (UTC)
What is fun is that, in my Italian class, we did do something like that. In four teams of two, we wrote four short stories, Starting by choosing a title, passing it to a partner and receiving one from another, then writing in turn the begining, the middle and the end of the other stories. It was quite fun except that few people were actually good writers, so the result was a bit desapointing, all a mixt of bad romance and soccer... :/

Ahem, I think I'm a bit out of topic, aren't I? ^^° So, thanks for the good laugh, I loved the story! :P
[info]shoshanaruth wrote:
Jun. 5th, 2008 10:40 pm (UTC)
This is awesome. :D
[info]setra wrote:
Jun. 6th, 2008 03:46 am (UTC)
I had a creative writing teacher do this in small groups actually. Everyone started a story and then handed it to the person beside them. This continued for for several rounds.
This story makes is a bit more entertaining, but in reality I mostly just found it to be a completely frustrating exercise. >.>
And some people really did do that... change the whole story to suit their style and not even care about the original tone or intent.
[info]blackholecali wrote:
Jun. 6th, 2008 05:19 am (UTC)
This was lovely, thanks. :D
[info]winhall wrote:
Jun. 6th, 2008 09:25 am (UTC)
Well, it did make me laugh. The skips between "oh so normal" and "SPACE SHIP IN YOUR FACE" are brilliant, if unintended by the poor writing partners. Soft romance and hardcore science fiction: will they ever find their happy ending?

I think I would have loved such an assignment, though I think the partners should be shuffled together more randomly. XD
( 20 comments — Leave a comment )

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